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led astray

January 2013

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led astray

chemical sigh

Tooth still hurts. But I have antibiotics and Codeine now to combat it. I wish I didn't need it. I feel weak for taking pain-killers. And I know it's an old response built in a time when I needed to be independant and not rely on anything or anyone outside of myself because I had nothing and no one to depend on. So taking the meds is almost like admitting that I can't do it by myself. But that's not true. I can. I have, several times before, had this same tooth have the same infection, and done nothing about it. So just because I have a job to go to that I need to be able to sleep at night for doesn't mean I am weak. The medecine is there and it helps and I am not a bad person for wanting to ease my pain. (It's only me I'm trying to convince here.) It does however feel like the comming down portion of rolling on extacy. The speediness of extacy is wearing off, but the seratonin is still out and waltzing around. It's like a chemical sigh. I felt a strange urge to snuggle the guy sitting next to me on the bus this morning. I didn't. But it's just a coziness in my brain. The waltzing made it difficult to play Oblivion last night because I have to pay attention and be able to multi-task, and I wasn't doing so well with that. But it's ok. I got snuggles on the couch. Still can't close my mouth all the way, but it's a good reverse of the jaw-clenching I was doing the last 3 weeks of class. It's kinda like when you get dizzy from spinning one way too long and you give yourself a spin or two in the opposite direction.

Oh! I almost forgot to mention, I got hired on at school for the summer! It's June 1-Sept 1, 3:30-9:30, Mon-Thu, and I get a $2 raise. Schweet!


Woot on the hiring!

I *hate* pain meds, too, because I feel horrible for needing to take them. I hate feeling like I need *anything*, let alone chemical help. Ugh. It's a tough thing to deal with.

Sending you pain-easing thoughts