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led astray

January 2013

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solo

Today started out poorly. Chinese sucked. Oral presentation not in English are not my friend. But I guess I needed some suckage to allow room for a good audition this afternoon for the 2nd play of the semester, Fool For Love. The play reminds me a LOT of a past relationship I had when I was in a really bad place (Spider), and would be like going to therapy to perform. Unfortunately, there is one female part, and there is no lack of female performers at UMB.

A side note about Wendy: Wendy is awsome. I look up to her and respect her as an actress and as a teacher and as a person. She knows her shit and she is real. That also means she does not go easy on us. She has groupies among the students. Nearly all who take a class with her can be thus catagorized. I find when she is around and someone else isn't occupying her immediate attention, I heel to her like a puppy seeking praise. During these times, I think I say too much. I open my mouth and it just goes. I just want her to like me so much. I yearn for her respect, but I think my mouth stunts some of that. I have auditioned for her and before her on several occasions and been denied and told why. So today when she told me I did good and that was the best she's seen me audition, I was floored. I did the open mouth thing and soon found the all too familiar "that's nice but I have to go" look. I don't think I effectively communicated how much that meant to me because my voice went weak and high-pitched and I said inane things and she was busy. But hearing that from Wendy totally made up for the gods-awful performance in Chinese class earlier that left me nearly in tears of embarrasment.

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