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led astray

January 2013

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I have been really busy lately, either doing schoolwork or playing video games to avoid it. Today I asked Eric to take my favorite game with him to work so I didn't have that particular hole to hide in. It was hard to let go of. I knew I had to when I was even dreaming that how I could get from Georgia where I was visiting my sister, back home was to take the boat system available in the game."Sure, I'll just hop the boat from Bel Mora and then take the strider from Ebonhart..." Sheesh.

I'm thinking about quitting LJ. Most of the time I just post the What I'm Up To stuff as a way to keep in touch with people I don't see everyday, and therefore, not very often at all. That was my intent when I set up my account. Other people see thier LJ as something altogether different, and post the innermost feelings of thier hearts. I have done so myself from time to time. But I (with I think one notable exception) try to keep my audience in mind when doing this, and I do censor myself and try not to hurt people's feelings. I know there are things I think that would hurt people I consider friends. Not big secrets or things I'm hiding, but just the little nasty things everyone has floating through the old headspace sometimes. I understand that that is how I use my LJ and other people don't censor themselves. Nor should they, if they are comfortable with the results. But LJ can be a tool of harm, even if it is unintentional. Because it is like a community in that I do know people you know and talk about, and sometimes there are things I don't really want to hear or respond to. If you say something scathing about me or someone I care about, it still hurts my feelings, text-based or no. But then I get the "if you don't like what I have to say, then don't read my LJ." So maybe that's the answer. But then there's the, "why don't you read my LJ anymore? Don't you care about me?" (These are hypothetical statements, not actual pieces of discussion.) So I have to ask myself, DO I care? How much do I care? Do I need to know all this, or is ignorance bliss? Am I ok with being ignorant on purpose, especially about other people's feelings? LJ, in my time using it, has done me and those I care about more harm than good. Am I willing to continue that risk to try to stay connected to people I never see?

PS In this latest, (you know if I mean you) I think you are both wrong, but I also think you have good reasons to have done what you did. Emotions are a bitch, aren't they? I am trying to stay out of it, but damn if I don't have to fight the urge to defend you both to each other tooth and fucking nail!

(From an actual conversation:) "I'm not making big decisions right now. I'm just asking big questions."

Comments

::big hugs:: I certainly am not offended if you're not reading my LJ :) Nor would I think any less of you for taking a big step away from the LJ community as a whole :) LJ's a quick and easy way of keeping folks up to date, but I'm just as happy with phone calls, visits, or e-mails ::hug::
From my point of view the "don't like what I say, don't read my livejournal" thing is crap. If you are publing your writings you are writing for an audience. You post here knowing it is going to be read. Saying "I can say things here and you aren't allowed to respond because you didn't have to read it" is so passive-agressive as to be sickening, especially if what is written is behind a lock. I censor myself less in livejournal only because I don't consider most of what I have to say that interesting and wouldn't force anyone to sit through it in real life. Lots of it is repetitive, endless and self-centered. I filter it so only the people I wouldn't mind knowing all of that can read and then I lj-cut it with a blurb on what I've cut so that they don't have to read it if they don't want to.

I'm not sure whether that is superior to paper journaling for the private, developing self stuff. Maybe not, but it has been one of my attempts to be a little less introverted. If I didn't post I probably just would never tell anyone about what was going on in my head.

The "update on life" feature I use extensively, but have also gotten lazier as my life is more routine. I just know that there are people far away and I'm bad at keeping in contact with anyone. Without this there are at least three people who I would have no idea where they were, or them me. It allows long-distance casual friendships.

While I don't think lj is inherently harmful, people using lj as a mask of annonymity absolutely can be. Do what's best for you (not that I didn't think you were going to, just being supportive of your decision).
I am all about the truth. That's why it hurts me to have to read it in someone's lj (and sometimes in someone Else's lj!) rather than have them tell me.
> I know there are things I think that would hurt people I consider friends.

I limit some of the things that I write for exactly the same reason... no need to cause unecessary issues over the little things. "And if I bleed, I bleed...." I'd rather deal with things that fost them off on others - I know I'm sturdy, and don't want to harm my friends.

::hugs::

(Anonymous)

Ahhh...feelings...

I love this quote "why don't you read my LJ anymore? Don't you care about me?" -personally I dont think anyone should be obligated to read anyone else's blog. You should do it because you want to - period

You should feel free to express yourself - probably within limits though. You don't want to sound like a ranting and raving lunatic - cogent arguments win out in the long run (even if the people you are arguing with are dumbasses and dont understand your well-put-together-arguments). once in a while it's good to vent though (a yin/yang thing I guess).

Personally I try to pick parables for telling people f-off, or at least vent my anger. Sometimes it is not good for the whole world to know what is bothering you.

One last thought - blog/journal because you want to, not because you have to. When you have to - it is no more fun, it if it's not fun - why do it?