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led astray

January 2013

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led astray

I am worried about my little sister.  She lives with my mother and that's not healthy.  She's right at the age I was when mother started hitting me, and mother's mind isn't what it used to be.  I think, in addition to her other illnesses, she has become a pathological liar to fill in the gaps that her memory has lost.  She recently swore that I had never lived with my grandmother, and that my grandmother was only saying that to attack her.  Well I did live with my grandmother, for about 12 years.  Is that really 12 years of blurr?  12 years where she can't remember me begging to see her, then fighting with my grandmother later because I had been sent to bed screaming and crying after staying up late waiting for my mother who would never show up?  Did she forget the fight she had with grandma when she did sort of live with us that finally drove her out of the house?  I remember the pattern on my shirt, and the spots of blood on it that dripped from her hand when she hugged me goodbye because she had put her hand through a window.  That remains the way my mother deals with anger; put a fist through something, a wall, a window, a microwave, my skull.  Word has it her drinking has gotten worse and she is smoking like a chimney.  The house is less than clean.  They have a rooster that attacks them in the house.  In the house.  They have wall to wall carpet and as far as I know, the rooster isn't litter box trained.  And i guarantee no one is cleaning up after it.  Mother is too drunk, the sis was never taught or made to clean anything, and the stepfather is busy sleeping to avoid his life.  Of course, this is all 2nd and 3rd hand information, but I believe it.  I wish I could help my sister.  I wish there was some way to take her out of there and show her that that isn't how life has to be.  But I don't have the strength, patience, time, or resources to take her in.

Way for them to give me procrastination fuel.  C'mon, it's getting down to the wire on this homework and studying.  Just do it already!!!




Can't think of much I could possibly say, so I'll send a giant hug.