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led astray

January 2013

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led astray


I feel like a zombie.  I'm wasted on exhaustion.  New med helps with energy and motivation, but not with the fallout of the extra activity.  But I journaled and ran this morning before going to sit with the neighbor.  She wants me over twice more this week.  Their regular personal care attendant is on vacation.  I got there at 9 this morning and there were people in there painting.  The guy got up and had a Popsicle and went back to bed.  I was nervous, but the lady has a decent collection of knitting books I looked through.  Eventually I heard him start to get up and I went to help him out of bed.  That was terribly awkward.  I didn't know if he was trying to get back into bed or up out of bed, if he needed help with his arms or legs or torso, I couldn't lift his torso and I think I was trying to move him counter to his routine which is to get on the floor, then sit on the bed, then get up.  Lucky for us both that was when the wife got back, as he had to use the bathroom.  At least she came back on time.  But then I went to the bank to deposit the check she wrote me, had some lunch and passed the hell out for a couple hours.  Got up close to 5 to make a simple dinner and now i'm trying to stay up for a few more hours before I call it a night.  Sitting with the neighbor is stressful.  I have no idea what to say to the guy.  I ask simple yes or no questions so a slight head movement is all he needs to respond to me, but I know there's an intelligent person in there with interests and ideas, but I don't know how to break through the inability to communicate and I wind up being very quiet and shy, which I fear is disrespectful and boring to him.  I think the sitting stress is what really tired me out today.  The run and walking weren't excessive.  It's all I can think of to explain it.  My eyelids are heavy still.  I could go right back to sleep at 6:30.  I'm not doing anyone any favors by forcing myself to stay awake.  I emailed the guy I get temp work from, but got an auto-response that he's on vacation.  I'm confident he'll get back to me when he gets back.  I'm starting to feel like I could go back to work, and a month or two stint at the school administration building would be a good practice run.  I fugging hate my skin.  Can I order a new one?  This stuff is defective.