Log in

No account? Create an account
led astray

January 2013

Powered by LiveJournal.com
led astray


I'm not sure what to do with myself.  I'm waiting for paperwork to go through, so I don't have any money yet.  I got up wicked early and ran at 7:30, then came back, showered, and made hot breakfast for the house folks.  Then I crocheted a bit and decided I needed a nap.  Got up, crochted some more, spent a couple hours fiddling with my recording equipment trying to eliminate the buzz behind my voice, got a reasonable test posted to librivox (waiting to hear back from that), emptied the trashes around the house, made dinner, spun a bit, watched a movie.  Now I'm tired.  I feel like it's too early to go to bed, but I don't feel like doing anything more.  I don't even feel like playing a video game or reading, or even writing this.  The day had so much promise.  What happened?  Was it me?  Did I waste it?  I don't understand how I can be back in the same mental space after getting things done and doing things right and a gorgeous day.  I guess distracting myself only works for so long, and escaping my brain is really tiring.  And I'm tired, but I have a sinking feeling that I won't get much sleep tonight.  I slept well last night, after walking to and from Puck's and a joint in between.  He let me play Diablo 3 on his computer for a couple hours.  Night before that I tried a cup of Sleepytime tea.  Tonight I had some honey vanilla chamomile.  I wish therapy worked faster.  I have my med doc appointment next Tuesday (FINALLY), so hopefully I'll get an adjustment and be able to sleep through the night again.  I can shake the discomfort now and again, and lose myself in an activity.  But I am always here, and i always wear out.  There are plenty of projects.  Why aren't I working on them?  I have several started projects, several project ideas, several ongoing, new things to learn...why am I bored?  Why do I want to go to bed when I know I won't sleep well, or have pleasant dreams?  I miss falling in love.  I don't feel lovable right now, so that's out.  Sale old girl, same old world.