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led astray

January 2013

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must..not..kill..old lady

I had to move out of the kitchen.  She has put soured almond milk in her oatmeal and it reeks.  But of course she tells me I'm being silly, it's bot bad and there is no smell.  Last night I put the trash on the curb at the end of the driveway on the left side.  She came along behind me (note she's not supposed to be bending or lifting) and moved it to the right side of the driveway.  Her explanation; they come down the road this way and they might get confused.  Yesterday as we're finishing dinner she gets out some fruitcake.  She tries to push sweets on me all the time, so I finally pointed out that she's telling me I need to lose weight and then keeps trying to get me to eat cake and cookies and ice cream.  "Those things don't put weight on you!...They don't put weight on me."  The night before I had mentioned the sleepiness quality of alcohol.  She tried to tell me it won't help me sleep because alcohol is a stimulant.  None of this is new behavior, but it remains infuriating.  She wonders why so many people who come to visit drink so much.  The smell of her bad almond milk (the smell I'm silly and imagining) has permeated the whole house now and I'm queasy.  Later I have to play nice and go out to the retirement community's Cinco de Maio festival with her asshat ex and maybe her.  Fuck, I don't want to, but she's already on my ass about getting out of the house.  I tried to explain agoraphobia to her.  She says I just have to make up my mind and get over that.  Last night she put me on the phone with my mother because mother was pissed that no one had told her about grandma's injury and grandma didn't want to hear it and didn't want to answer her questions.  I am so frustrated and angry and tired of being nice and then being complained about (this morning; that's too much oatmeal, that much would last me all week).  I'm nearing the and of my rope.  I don't want to blow up at her because she's frail and injured, but I cannot seem to get anything through to her with polite frankness.  I can't believe I walked into this situation.