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led astray

January 2013

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led astray


CBT starts next month, but that's no reason to wait to practice cognition of my feelings...  I want to go back to bed.  I was hoping Katie would come over today and we'd watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Beginnings, smoke some weed, and engage in fiber artistry.  She's out of town, and suddenly my day looks bleak.  Forget that I did 45 minutes of DDR, it's sunny and mild out, and I can watch the movie by myself just as easily.  I need to go to the post office, but I don't want to.  Why?  It requires leaving the house, which for some reason feels wrong.  I have a ton of dishes to do and I don't want to.  I had this idea in my head of what today would look like (not that I communicated it to Katie at all) and now I'm disappointed and ready to climb under the covers and snuggle Tink.  There's so much to do it feels overwhelming.  I know it's all just little things that look big in my head, intellectually.  So, feelings.  Yeah, i have them.  Lots of times I don't like them, but I guess what I really don't like is how I respond to them.  Going to bed is NOT the best thing I could do right now, it might be one of the worst things.  But it's so easy.  There are blankets and pillows and sunbeam and kitty snugs.  Ugh, this is not an effective deterrent.  Coffee doesn't help with the not napping, it just keeps me from napping restfully, so in my book it's a fail that makes my breath stink and my teeth yellow.  Maybe a nap, then post office.  I'm winded from DDR right now anyway, plus it will be warmer in a couple hours.  That's about how long my naps are.  I use my bladder as a timer.  No calls back on any resumes, but then I hear people complain about people they had to deal with professionally who suck at their jobs and know I could do better and then wonder why idiots have jobs and I don't.  The 'think positive' directive is in conflict with the 'write how you really feel' directive.  This is our concern, Dude.