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led astray

January 2013

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led astray


It might be time to go back to therapy. I loathe this process. I have yet to find a therapist who can help me. I'm a difficult case that few professionals (in my experience) want to take on. I can understand why the intake process is necessary, but damn, do I hate having to spill my shit to someone just to have to turn around and spill it all again to someone else the next week. I dislike having interns because I have to terminate after a year and start all over just when I'm starting to trust this person and make a little progress. No matter how many times I do it, I remain Crazy Girl that people worry about, but don't necessarily want to hang out with. Hell, I annoy myself. I've spent so much time in bed lately, it's pathetic. Where is my Want? I'm having trouble articulating what's wrong because I Should be able to get my shit together by now, damnit! Cognitive dissonance is constant. I believe I am strong, but I also believe I am helpless. I both can and cannot do the things I need to do. I am tough and fragile at the same time. WOuld things be better if i had a job, or would i have a job if things got better? I forget what i came here to say.


It doesn't matter, just say what you can and keep at it. I close myself up in my own self and it gets lonely in here sometimes. I'm trying to get better at giving feedback and reaching out, saying, "Hey, I'm here and I hear you."

(((hug))) THank you. My brain, she thinks she's more alone than she really is.