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led astray

January 2013

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the downs, i has them

Yesterday sucked. I saw the return of ideation to lull me to sleep. That's never a good sign. When the comfort at the end of the day is figuring out the best ways to ensure fatality, some things are not right.

The idea well seems to be dry, as I have no idea what to make for the show next weekend. I have all my warm weather yarns in a giant basket on my desk and I have knitter's block.

One wonders whether one will continue to be a parasitic entity for the rest of one's life.

And then, just for flavor, have a large dish of Jealousy. It's the honest to goodness "that's MINE!" kind of jealous tempest that makes me feel the depths of the crazy. I mean the srsfuckkingpsychobitch crazy. "You may be done with the past, but the past isn't finished with you."

Some days I marvel at how well I'm holding up against the tides. This week is not made of those days.


Tides cycle and wear at the rocks on the shore, but they also bring treasures to leave behind

I think jealousy is about not having enough of something. A lack of sufficiency. So it's not necessarily crazy; it's a completely logical response to fear of not having enough. Even if whatever it was wasn't all that desirable in the first place; I find stability sometimes vertigo-inducing in its lack of intensity. It's hard to go from skydiving to flying 747s.

Sometimes waiting can be the hardest part. The unknown stretches before us, and our options are to accept it, fear it or flee. Maybe your brain just wants to consider all the options.

(I think parasites get a bad rap, personally. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helminthic_therapy for example. The line between symbiot and parasite is never so clear as people want to think.) Still, I am confident that one will find ones way to the level of independence and interdependence one desires eventually.

Have you tried looking at pretty pictures? I always find inspiration for knitting in random images. Watching The Notorious Betty Page last week reminded me of how much I love 50s era fashion as long as it's not me wearing it, and this led me to thinking about 50s influence in steampunk, and then I came across these: http://labricoleuse.livejournal.com/19570.html And now I might need to find someone who wears high heels. I should ask my little sister...
Do an etsy search for knit accessories - you can get a lot of neat ideas that way! :)