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led astray

January 2013

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the ways i was raised

I'm often surprised to find out that anything I hear from certain people *coughgrandmacough* is accurate.  And for a moment, I feel tremendously guilty for doubting her.  But then I remember other things she has assured me were true that have hindered my growth as a person.  Some of them I thought were bullshit at the time and resisted.  Other things it took me a long time to learn.  Of the former, I had a little recall this morning.  I was picked on in school, right up until sophomore year of high school.  When I was very young I would come home from school crying.  I would fake sick because, of the two, I would rather hang out with the grandparents than go to hel- er, school.  I wanted to be liked and popular.  I had no concept that grandma had ever suffered through something similar.  I figured she had it all wrong.  She told me that to be popular, I had to limit who I talked to, that I couldn't hang out with just anyone, I had to be selective.  This was supposed to lure more people to want to talk to me.  Bwa??  I thought it was the stupidest thing I had ever heard and was sure she didn't understand what I meant.  But I can see she believes it still, and I think it's why she's such a lonely, miserable person.  I kept right on talking to anyone who was willing to listen, and now I have friends all over the country and I'm never far from the solace of a warm heart.  Take that, gramma voice (in my head)!  She also told me I didn't like the way cocoa butter smelled (it's a dirty, black people smell), that such-an-such didn't hurt me, etc.