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led astray

January 2013

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led astray

complaints, none major

I got some stuff done yesterday. Not as much as I should, but I'm trying to focus on whet I'm doing right these days. The Stuff of Living chart helps.

I really want my sweater jacket to be finished now, but I'm tired of working on it. And yesterday my right hand started getting soreness in my index finger grippy muscles so it brings a slight but annoying pain to bend it, so no knitting for me today. I'd say I'll play Fallout: New Vegas, but it's the trigger finger. Maybe I'll use the middle finger. There are also tons of books I could read. I should really go to the health center and get help reapplying for MassHealth so I can get back in therapy. Need more therapy. But I really don't want it. The process never gets far and just like the walking dreams, I struggle and put in effort and get nowhere or have to start over yet again.

And then there's my shame; I want to be rescued. I want a man to come along and take care of me. I'm afraid of the effort it will take to be independent, even though independence is the flag I've flown for years while never knowing the extent of what it means.


Thanks. (((hug)))
Independence and therapy both are hard paths to walk, but the good thing is, you build up the muscles once you can break through that suck.
I find them both extremely difficult to get motivated by. Even worse to try and stay motivated and in motion.