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led astray

January 2013

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led astray

time wasted

I broke my rule last night and played a video game for several hours despite not being done with all possible homework.

Been feeling unsettled lately. I should be doing something, but I don't know what it is. I want to do something, but I don't know what it is. So I do nothing. Let myself get sucked into flashing lights that turn my brain off and let me practice being passive when I should be active and thinking. Doing. Anything but being distracted. I hate television. I can't seem to walk away from it. It has held me longer and stronger than any drug. It's a drug I don't have to put in in any way, that dulls and alters my senses from the outside in. I don't know what I want to do, but I know it is the opposite of drooping, sinking, drowning in the couch, letting my mind and body rot in stasis, learning little, doing less. What a waste. Of time, of energy, of me. What a waste of Magdalen to be a TV zombie.

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