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led astray

January 2013

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hello, stupid

Yesterday was strange.  I've been feeling sick and didn't feel like eating.  So I didn't eat.  I think I had some green goodness juice and waffles and half a bowl of cereal in 2 days.  I got woozy and headachey and I tried to eat some oatmeal...then threw it up.    Meanwhile, I met the downstairs neighbor who is nice, and perhaps a tad too friendly and he hit my charachter history button and so i spent some time sobbing to a stranger.  That's always humiliating in a way.  Hoyce got mad at me for not eating, and with good reason.  I didn't mean to not eat.  I just didn't feel like it, an interesting sensation that open up some empathy for Anorexia.

I feel a lot of guilt and disappointment and anger at myself and still some at him, especially since he's handling this like he's in High School.  Won't see me, hates to talk to me, doesn't want to bother having to explain himself fully.  I didn't do anything wrong.  I liked him too much maybe.

Anyway, I'm avoiding being online much today so I can continue to give him the space he'll need if we're going to be friends after this.  I'm going to play some Little Big Planet and create a level that's a DBT adventure land!  LoL  Then I can run through it when I need reminding.  This is a huge undertaking and I don't suspect it will ever be completed, but hooray for distractions!


::big hugs:: Giving him space is good. He might just need to over-state his boundaries right now so that the friendship can be continue later.

A DBT adventure land? Sounds pretty fun!
Space is the best medicine for this situation. It's also the very hardest thing for me to do.