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led astray

January 2013

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led astray


Yesterday I played hooky.  I cleaned most of the kitchen.  There are still areas that need attention.  But I need money more than I need a cleaner living space (debatable).  Can I be independently wealthy yet??  This working for other people sucks *whine*.  I know, everyone has to do it.  I should be more grateful to have a job when so many people don't.  I know this isn't how it needs to work, but in my mind, I'm the bottom of the ladder there with no hope of upward mobility, therefore, the job is at the bottom of my perceptual ladder with no hope for upward mobility.  This is how my mind works.  I see the major flaw in this process; I need this job, but this job doesn't need me.  It's an area I'm starting to work on.  Employer/employee is not going to be a reciprocal relationship in the sense I'm comfortable with, and it is unreasonable for me to expect it.  I know I should take the work lemons and make lemon-aid, but  I'm running low on sugar.  The worst part is that I know it's all my backwards perceptions creating all this drama internally.  This "problem" only exists inside my head, where i'm judging my own worth and merit based on my position in the company (and pay rate).  

Awareness of the problem is the first step towards solving it.


Whenever I felt put-upon or shat-upon by my old jobs, I repeated a mantra: Einstein was a patent clerk, Einstein was a patent clerk.

Do not put your job as a priority in your definition of you. It's one of those simple, but not easy, things. You get to choose your definition. Einstein defined himself as a genius, and changed the world for it; imagine if he'd defined himself as the low-level peon his job told him he was.
(((hug))) Thanks. Simple, but not easy.