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led astray

January 2013

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easing back in

Things got really ugly in my head for a few weeks...while I wasn't smoking weed.  I was walking along and the ground started sloping and next thing I knew, I was looking up from DoomandGloomDarkPitofDespair.  That place sucks.  So I decided that getting out of there was worth whatever effort had to be made, whatever I could grab to get me back into the sun.  And I'm back.  When I first discovered pot (and for a loooong time after) I used it to get high.  That's fun.  I didn't understand when people said they used it to feel normal.  Well, now I do.  I don't (usually) smoke enough to get stupid and lose where I am and get away.  When I smoke I am right here, right now, and this time, this place, this person I am is pretty ok.    I can do the thing I need to do, but I can also do the things I want to do.  That's the killer of my illness.  It doesn't just affect the functionality of living, it affects the quality of whatever is left over.  I tried going without.  I did pretty shitty.  And now I feel fine.  My room is clean (ok, well my yarn bins are messy, but mostly contained), the living room is clean, the bathroom is clean, I''m going to go to work today and be ok, sylvan is coming over tonight and we're going to probably knit and watch the MST3K Mitchell.  Anyway, I guess the point I'm leading up to is that I'm going to suck up the cost and invest in a future.  I'm going to buy a vaporizer.  My primary care Doc (Dr. Hottie) validated the use of medical marijuana, but begs me not to smoke it, to find another way of getting it in me.  I'm going to do more research, (I did some already), but it looks like this is a good idea.




Eye on the sammich!
- Zac