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led astray

January 2013

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that warm sensation on my head and shoulders

 Oh, life.  You do like to keep me on my toes.  I get it.  Keep giving me lessons and I'll keep learning as much as I can.  Yesterday I finally got that dreaded errand done.  And, as I knew would be the case, the fear of the thing was way worse than the thing itself.  Thanks, brain.

I've been having a rather obnoxious craving for anchovies lately.  Last night around 8 I walked down to the store and got some anchovies and sundry items with which to make dip, and some ciabatta rolls.  
Neufachel (sp?) cheese
fat free cream cheese
sour cream
marinated olives
baby spinach (makes it healthy, right?)
anchovies packed in olive oil
I sautéed chopped baby spinach in olive oil and garlic while i heated the cheeses in a double boiler.  I chopped the entire can of anchovies (minus one I just ate from the can) and 7-8 of the marinated mixed olives really small.  I poured the hot spinach over the melting cheese, then added the sour cream, chopped bits, the oil from the anchovy can, and a bit of the olive marinade.  Last night, to my surprise, the cheese was overpowering both the olives and the anchovies, but this morning it is transformed.  The big problem now is that I have an assload of dip and little old me to eat it.  Scarn will help a bit tomorrow evening, but I don't know of anyone else who would put it near their mouth.

Did my taxes yesterday.  That was a let down.  I'm getting about the same amount back as last year despite having made twice as much.  How frustrating.  It will cover a good chunk of what I'm behind on, but not even spit on China.

I'm terrified to go back to work.  And I know it will be the same as that errand.  I'll get there and wonder wtf I was so afraid of.  I know this cognitively.  But the fear remains, and makes me want to crawl back in bed.  But that exacerbates a very real fear about money.  Those who do not go to work do not get money.  The lack of money makes me scared and want to miss work, which makes me lose money, which makes me scared...and we shed light on the exponential spiral of decay.  Dear brain, please stop being partisan like the government.  Nothing gets accomplished when we fight amongst ourself.