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led astray

January 2013

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led astray

whoots and ughs

First, a whoot.  Dashed through the halfway mark yesterday!  6 months sex free!  It's been hard to watch TV shows and movies lately because they are rife with sex scenes.  I can do this.

Much like life without sex, life without weed is easier some days than others.  Yesterday was rough.  There were bad vibes in the air.  The roommies and I were particularly snippy to each other in that way where we straddled the line between joking and bruised egos all day.

I'm having pangs of nostalgia over GA as people add me to FB lists.  I had some great times and knew some awesome people.  I find awesome people everywhere I go, and it sucks to have moved so frequently.

The plant that was doing so well in the cold window fell over from its own weight.  I tied it up gently to the hook on top of the planter, but it's droopy and looks very unhappy.  

Trouble sleeping last night.  The rain and wind rattled the windows (3 of which form a semi-circle around the head of my bed), scaring Tink and keeping me from deep sleep.  On the plus side, the pot of water on the radiator has helped my little girl be less static-y.  *Must not crawl back in bed with adorably pleading kitty.*  Yesterday I woke up to the softest of sounds I first mistook for dripping water.  I opened my eyes to discover Tink laying down next to my head, up against Melvin Bear and grooming him.  That was the best wake-up in ages.  :-)  *loves my girl*  Of all the things weighing on my mind about China, the heaviest is leaving Tink behind.  I know that leaving my friends will be difficult, but at least I can explain to them what's going on and they understand that it's temporary.  Poor Tink will just suddenly not have mommy.  :-(  *sigh*  I can't let that stop me.  I can't let anything stop me.  Much like I can't let the sleet happening outside stop me from going to work.

I reallyreallyreallyreally want to be able to work from home (a legit job with a legit paycheck).  I am so fugging tired of spending 2 hours of my day on buses and trains. I spend more effort/energy getting to and from work than I do in the 8 hours I'm there.  

And then there are all the ways I think I'm a bad person.  I keep uncovering things I don't like about myself.  It's enough to keep a girl down.  I can only work on so much at a time.  I've already been having anxiety dreams the last few weeks.  It makes me want to stay home where it's safe.  But staying home means missing work, which means less money, which means more anxiety.  And I look at all my complaints and all my flaws and all my hard work, and it all means nothing in the face of tragedy like that in Haiti.  I'm a spoiled white girl with a pretty ok life, by most standards.  People are buried alive in rubble, starving to death, and here I am afraid of paperwork and my credit scores.

Comments

I started watching a really fantastic four-part BBC documentary last night called Wild China. I can't wait to watch the whole thing!
It's in my queue. :-)
If you have Netflix you can stream it! :D