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led astray

January 2013

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up to a little good

As much as I want to, I don't feel bad enough to miss another day of work. But then, while I did spend yesterday parked in my rocking chair with knitting and horror movies, it was pretty miserable and uncomfortable, just physically. Nothing made my head stop being a brick, not even real sudafed. Tink has been spoiled the last few days, having mommy back in bed for the morning and lap time during the day. She even joined me in the living room a couple times. I have to look to my work ethic role model for some energy. He's pre-verbal at the moment. Ok, my job is not hard nor stressful. I watched movies yesterday with a keen eye for motivation in the form of real suffering. Seeing people suffer often helps me weather my own suffering as easier by comparison. I know that it's not the best way to look at the world to always compare oneself to others, but it does the job. Hot and cold flashes are fun (sarcasm). My favorite is when I have a fever and sweat profusely over most of my body, but my feet are like ice cubes (inside the fuzzy socks and under a blanket). Internal arguing; toughen up, you need to pull more weight around here - take it easy, get the rest you need to perform better - that's just laziness making excuses not to go to work - no really, my head is a brick and it hurts my throat to talk - you don't have to talk much at work...etc. Oh, to be independently wealthy or able to work from home! I owe the roomies a combined $1600 (more, as Hoyce doesn't always put stuff on the board). I owe Casa de Malbert around $1000. And that's just person to person. It doesn't touch the rent, utilities, and sundry bills I've racked up. It's saddening, to be so close to how mother operates. Yikes. There's a new miserable thought.

* A consultation with Hoyce reminded me that I am legit-sick and that forcing it is not how best to take care of myself.