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led astray

January 2013

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led astray

reaching out

I keep trying, and failing. eaching out to people takes a certain ammout of faith and hope. It's putting yourself out there and trying to make a connection. It's about humanity and bonding and closeness. It's an offering of self, of time, of shoulders and ears, of patience and compassion, of brotherhood. And it really feels bad when I reach out to people and they look at me like I have a triangle shaped head. It's worse than when they take it the wrong way, because at least that can be explained (whether they believe you or not is another matter entirely). Now I think I may have lost a friend because I was reaching out. I think. I can't tell because this person hasn't spoken to me in several days. Maybe i'm over-reacting. It happens from time to time. But I often get reactions other than what I anticipated when I reach out to people. Maybe I am creepy and just don't know it. If not, why are people afraid of closeness?

I am so grateful that my beautiful Love understands, and holds me when i've reached out and been scoffed at or ignored or shunned. And I don't know why I keep reaching out when I keep getting these reactions? I think it goes back to what I wrote about a few days ago about wanting to help. I hate seeing good people suffer. I don't even like seeing not so good people suffer.


is difficult

Closeness means vulnerability. Connections that rely on trust are scary. And incredibly freeing and comforting, but some people get stuck on the first part.

Communication is also blurry and imperfect, but you are a damn cool person (in my opinion) for working through it all and still being brave enough to try and make things better. Even if it doesn't work, that still takes conviction.

Re: is difficult

Yeah. That's something else I don't understand, but I think I used to. Being alive is being vulnerable. People will hurt you and screw you over, but it's probably because people did it to them first. But not everyone will. And I so think that the good people I know are worth the troublesome people I had to meet first.
I don't think you're creepy. In fact, I so think you're not creepy that I'll show up on your doorstop this weekend to prove it. ;)

So many people are in "it" for themselves, feel the need to have their armor on to protect their soft squishy insides...and so many others are just waiting for someone to let down their guard, so they can take advantage of that person. Finding the good folks, the ones you can trust enough to open up to, is really rough. A lot of people simply skip it, sometimes not even aware that there's another way.

IMO, those connections are some of the most important things that there are.
Thanks for not thinking i'm creepy. :)
Connections are super important. The connections I have made with people have shaped and changed my life, some for good and some for ill.