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led astray

January 2013

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led astray

wtf, brain?

I have been really fragile this month.  I hope it's nearing the finish line.  I'm tired of reacting.

Started and finished niece's winter holiday present, and I think it's flipping adorable.  I'd wear it.  Hope she likes it.  I'll try to post pics tomorrow.

So just when I think she couldn't possibly get any cuter, this morning Tink was asleep on top of my phone in the bed next to my head.  "This thing makes noise and then mommy gets out of bed.  Shhhhhhh.  *thunk* "  hehehehehehehe

I had a dream the other day about a friend I hadn't heard from in a while, so I texted him.  Then I wrote an email.  Then I called.  I've probably reached out at least 20 times over the last few days, but only one got a response.  I'm worried about him based on his response, but he seems to be in a cave.  This is someone I've known long enough to not just give up trying.  Something is up/happening/wrong.  So unless he talks to me long enough to tell me to stop, I am digging in.  I cannot help but care, and in caring I want to be there.  And he will know 20 times a day until it sinks in.  Fuck etiquette.  You don't get to disappear for another 10 years.

And then there's X-1, who starts contacting me out of the blue and tells me how excited he is to talk to me, how he's missed me these last 15 years and oh this and that and happy joy excitement.  But now won't return my messages.  I know I've been a bit of a hermit this year, but people just don't seem to want to talk to me anymore.  I don't know what I did, and no one will tell me, so how am I supposed to learn or apologize?  Ah, well.  I have Tink and lappy and lots of yarn and books and some Really Awesome People who still like talking to me, so fuck those other people.


That first sentence...Ditto. The good thing is that there are a bunch of us who seem to have the same issues and its good to have us supporting each other in our time of need.
It's a fragile kind of month.
Yeah. Let's get with some resilient November.