Log in

No account? Create an account
led astray

January 2013

Powered by LiveJournal.com

 There is so much going on in my head, but to spell it all out feels like trivializing.  There are changes, evolutions still taking place.  Letting go of old things, really old things.  Real freedom is scary.  There are pieces of Identity hidden in nearly forgotten places.  Letting go of my definitions of Self is scary.  And I think I'm over my serious pothead phase.  Much like a house cat, I want the door left open.  I may not want to be outside, but I want to know the option is open.  I think I had to prove to myself that I can do what I want and do not answer to anyone.  And no one that matters gave me any shit about it.  I don't necessarily want to live my life that way, but I want to know that if I do want to, no one will try to stop me.  I want the option to be real.  I need the option to be real, or it means nothing.  My friends respected my choice and let me do what I needed to do to get a better grip on life.  Sometimes getting a better grip means letting go and starting over, one hand at a time.  Following this motion will magically become climbing before I know it.

I am going to meet with the director of the Confucious Institute (program for Chinese study at UMass) on Thursday to talk about my options.  I'm excited.  I think rather than going to China to teach English, I'm going to use Mandarin to help out people who live here.  I know this is not an easy path.  I'm in a much better place than I was for my Bachelor's.  

Tink remains a tremendous comfort to me.


You needed to know we'd stick by you, no matter what. I can completely understand this. We're still here, we still love you. It's good.
(((hug))) Thanks.