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led astray

January 2013

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a story of some shit, and the fan it missed

Are we playing games now?  I got a text from G's phone asking for ticket price for the park (valid) and announcing that mother is not coming along, and by the way he needs my address.  Thing is, I don't believe that it was G sending the message.  I think it was her, playing the same old games and thinking everyone is stupid enough to fall for them.  I texted back with the price, and told him to call me when he gets up (he works nights) and I'll give him the address then.  What I think happened is that she waited for him to get home and fall asleep, then stole his phone...again.  Then she may well have heard the voicemail I left asking them to meet me in a public place to drop sis off with me while they go to thier hotel.  This is a boundary I have set for my own safety and peace of mind.  I am not going to budge it or fudge it or relax it at all.  This is how it has to be.  She is still exhibiting the same dysfunctional behaviors she has all my life, and with no learning curve.  This is an example for me to learn from.  The adaptations she made once upon a time have never changed.  She will lie, cheat, steal, curse, and smash the people she supposedly cares about and then gets a victim complex when they don't want to talk to her anymore.  I've been living my life without the constant threat to my person and my life accutrement.  I see G and he's still there.  She is still stealing his phone on a regular basis.  I wonder how I ever lived that way.  It's no wonder I never had boundaries.  I wasn't able to grow them because I was never given the safe space to.  The times I tried, my boundaries were violated and shattered.  I thought they were a lie.  I thought everything was a lie, because most of it was.  Well now I have a safe space and boundaries that the people around me respect.  I as only able to get this life by keeping her out of it.  My guard is lowered and I don't live in fear anymore, but I am not fucking stupid.  She keeps coming at me in unhealthy, manipulative ways and I am going to keep more than a 10 foot pole between us.  I know she's a fucked up, scared little mess of a thing that bites every hand that approaches.  I pity her.  My life hasn't stopped and started at her whim for years, and it's not about to now.  Her power over me has faded to wisps of smoke.  I'm doing the best I ever have at this life thing, and I will not allow her to derail me.  So whether she comes up or not, I'm going to have a fun weekend with one of my sisters and my chosen family.

Comments

Holy fucking crazy, Batman!

*hugs*
Good for you for not playing into her game, for setting the example of healthy boundaries, and being able to detach yourself from her craziness.