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led astray

January 2013

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do what?

i knew it was coming

I had been thinking about it recently, crystalizing my thoughts and feelings, trying to make something coherent appear amidst the pain and rage.  But it still hit me like a brick to hear.  Mother is coming to town.  She wants to break the ice, have a meal (in public) with me.  How she came to this conclusion was to again steal her husbands phone and find the texts I had been sending him about details for the weekend.  Then she decided she was going along.  I have arranged for l'il sis to stay here for the weekend while the parental figures get a hotel room (guess what; she's not allowed at his son's place either, go figure).  I have agreed to meet with her for brunch near Copley.  If necessary, I can lose her on the T in 10 minutes flat.  She is not coming to my home, not even to drop l'il sis off.  I will meet them somewhere public.  Based on the way this went down on thier end, I don't think she's ready to hear what I have to say.  But damnit, I have some things I'm ready to say to her.  This is about me.  I almost want to ask sis and her dad to stay behind.  There are things I need to mention that won't make them feel good.  They know what she is.  I don't have to rub in thier faces how each of them was loved more than I was, was more important, considered first, and how the young one was a ploy to get her father to stick around.  This is between me and her.  I have meds that work and I'm doing better than I ever have before.  I know it's going to fuck me up, but I think I can handle it with grace.  There never was a better time.

But I am fucking nervous and scared.

Comments

I was really hoping my instinct regarding the scoprion/lobster was incorrect.

Also, since we are no longer able to do anything this weekend, we will be around, and at home. If needs be, hop a transport up towards our way (or call us to let us know where to come scoop you) and you've got the momma bear and snarly wolf (and the over-protective police force locally) to loom over you and keep her at bay.

I'll make sure my phone's off silent this weekend, and feel free to call at any point.