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led astray

January 2013

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led astray

trying to help

It is so difficult for me not to try to help. Sometimes I even think it borders on meddling. When someone is sad, I want to help. When something is being cooked, I want to season it. When someone is hurt, I want to bandage them. I know I cannot be mother to the world, not even to my corner of it. I know I can't make everything all right, but I want to make things a little better. It is really difficult for me when people won't or can't accept my help, or when there is no way for me to help. Especially when they know as well as I do that they need the help, but don't want it out of pride. It's all I can do not to force help on them. But people will do what they want in the end, with or without my help. And if thier lives are the worse because pride kept them from accepting help (not just from me, from anyone or anything), then it isn't my fault. But am I a bad person for giving up trying to help?

Comments

*cuddles you*

*hugs*

I understand that. This is my own justification for stopping trying to help in a situation like that:

I've realized that sometime the best way I can take care of someone is to give them the space to grow out of their pride on their own (at least, that's what I think they're doing, even if they don't know it ;). It's not that I've given up, because I could still help them later. It's not that I don't want to try to fix it, because I'm still incredibly frustrated that I can't, but doing nothing isn't nessisarily passive. Right at that moment, my doing nothing is helping them as much as anything else I could be doing. Not doing more to fix the problem, but doing more to help them.

It's a lot harder for me when it's impossible to make something better. At least if they turn down my help I feel slightly less helpless.

I don't think so.

I mean, you are either helping, if they let you, or you're hitting your head against a wall if they aren't. So... why hit your head against the wall?

This is why I pray... it's like "stealth helping." ;)