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led astray

January 2013

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up early

The child in my head says that I am officially a grown-up today.  30 is that age that's too late.  I should have found a husband and settled down by now.  Should have a job that covers my rent in 1 paycheck.  Should have a house with a yard and a kid. And now I'm too old to be attractive to a potential mate, have a job that barely covers my expenses, and still haven't recieved my piece of paper (note to self: call school tomorrow).  This is all stuff ground into my brain as a child that stayed buried for a long time.  But as the day approached, I felt a softening of those flimsy structures made of 'should'.  I'm an adult now.  I'm going to make it mean something good.  It means I am responsible, accountable, and mature (in theory anyway).  I can live the way I choose, and I choose to be happy and caring.  Fuck the 'shoulds'.  I like living out of the shadow of family oppression and manipulation.  The place I'm digging out for myself may not be big and lavish, but damnit, I'm dug in.  I'm here and I still have amazing things to do.  I am not all washed up.  30 is not a terminal year for youth, but a starting point for wisdom.

...andican'twaittogotofriggingsixflagsomg!!!!!!

Comments

happy birthday, lady! fuck the "should"s!
Thanks! (((hug)))
As Stuart Smalley says, "Don't should all over yourself."

Fuck should. It has little actual bearing on reality. Your ability to enjoy life doesn't come with an expiration date.

Happy Birthday, Chosen Sister! We send you much, much love!
Picking my own family worked out so much better than letting biology do it! (((loves)))