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led astray

January 2013

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led astray

and stuff

I'm working on lots of things, and seeing some progress.  And now I'm frustrated that everything isn't seeing improvement.  I want to live the way I want to live Now.  Patience is one of those things I'm going to have to work on for a long time.  Damnitall!  ;-P  But things really are looking up.  I'm getting stronger in ways that aren't impeding progress.  Flexible endurance, to bend under pressure, not fragile rigidity that just breaks.  There are so very many things I want to work on now that I am seeing progress, but I need to keep focused and work on the same things until it isn't work anymore, doesn't require effort and attention.  Then I can go back and fine tune other, smaller things that need work.

I've been thinking about teaching English in China again.  Met someone who did it in Japan for a few years.  I have a lot of trepidation, but it will be a while before I'm in a position to go fuck off to the other side of the world for a while.  I wonder how much of it is interest and how much is the thrill of running away.  I do want to do it.  I think I need to take care of more of my shit before I do, or my shit will just follow me to a possibly hostile place devoid of a support system.  I feel excitement when I think about it, but if I'm honest with myself, I'm not ready.  I really want to pick Mandarin back up.  I still have all my books and flash cards and tapes from school.  I need to work on that internal motivation thing.

In cute news, I woke up to find Tink sprawled out ON my cell phone (i use it as my alarm clock, next to my head on the bed).  "When this box makes noise, mommy gets out of bed.  If I lay on it, it won't make noise, right?"  She's generally not very bright, but she has flashes of adorable brilliance when it comes to giving the house monkies a message.  Sorry, darlin'.  I can sleep in tomorrow, but today I have to work.