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led astray

January 2013

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led astray

So Hoyce isn't going to work today.  He fell trying to bend over (from the knees) and his back totally gave out.  One of the local massage therapists will be coming over to take a look. 

Scarn took me grocery shopping last night.  I did ok through about 3/4 of the trip.  Then I hit the "I'm done being here" wall, but it was mostly done by then.  I have to thank him for understanding my grocery store panic thing and keeping me calm.  I know it's a triger a lot of people don't understand, but it's very real and it takes a lot of effort (still) to maintain a centered mental space in a grocery store.  There are lots of yet to be cleaned festering wounds surrounding the grocery store and mom stuff.  I'll get there.

The instinct to stay home and take care of Hoyce is strong, but I know I can do him more good by going to work and getting my own shit sorted out.  Mz will be around to help him out at some point, and it's not like he's in a sling with a cane again.  Part of it is my nurture instinct, just as sure as some of it is my not wanting to go to work stuff.  The best thing for us both is for me to go to work.

And, omg, it's chilly??  This time last week I couldn't breathe without sweating.  Then last night I pulled the blanket over my head.  Oh, New England, keeping us on our toes!

I invited my little sister to come to Six Flags.  Even texted her father about it and he said sure.  Now I just have to call him once a week to make sure he remembers.  She 16.  She drinks coffee and says 'fuck', and therefore doesn't count as a child anymore.  And her parents are children, so I'm confident she's had to grow up too fast, making her older than her years.  And it's an amusement park.  I have trouble imagining her having a hard time.  But then, I'm not trying very hard.


Meep! Sending healing thoughts Hoyce's way.

The grocery store trigger is actually not uncommon at all. You're not alone in that, by any means. Apparently, according to my neuro-psych, almost all his long-term abuse survivor patients have it.

And yep, chilly. There's a hurricane on its way, and this is the standard pre-hurricane weather. It's my favorite New England weather - bright, crisp, gentle breeze, and the knowledge that a raging storm is on the way.