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led astray

January 2013

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led astray


Therapy was actually helpful today.  Got some insight I hadn't thought of myself.  Keen.  But then I had to go to work post brain-disco.  People were unusually nice to me at work.  Lots of people saying hello and the like who normally don't notice me.  It was interesting and mildly akward.

I have been invited to a party, and I am terrified to go.  I am also unable to imagine not going.  I am definitely overthinking it.  There are so many bad things that could happen.  I'm trying to focus on positive outcomes and possible longer term benefits, such as new friendships and the like.  It feels like an getting ready to eat the mystery flavor lollipop.  It could be butterscotch (yum), or green apple (ick), or strawberry (not butterscotch, but still pretty darn tasty), or root beer (not green apple, but not my favorite), or any other flavor.  And I have no idea.  But I'm going to unwrap that treat and see what I get.

***eta: I think I'm chickening out.  The excuse is the pain in the ass getting there would be.  The reason is that I'm maybe not ready.  I would like to go.  I think.  I'm so scared.  Fuck.  This is stupid.  Clearly I'm not ready.


I like "brain-disco" as a way of describing therapy. When I was in it a couple of years ago, I felt way worse before I started feeling better. Scrambled brains, indeed.

Go to the party, you can always leave. One thing that I like about being an adult is that you can always leave a party if you aren't having fun. You don't have to make up a bullshit excuse, you can just say that it's time for you to get going. If people give you a hard time, screw 'em. You know where your comfort levels are set.
Thanks. I'm going to go. I'm nervous, but I think it's going to be ok. :-) And you're right, if I'm not having fun, I can leave.
Yay for nice folks post brain-disco.

Keep thinking of the party like a mystery lolli - that's a great visual!