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led astray

January 2013

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McNulty speaks


So, um, there are several people who are seemingly not talking to me.  I got no warning or explanation, just cold shoulders.  I understand that I'm not always the easiest person to approach, but I'd rather know what's going on if I'm doing something wrong.  I make guesses at reasons, but get told no, that isn't it.  Then what is it?  "What the fuck did I do?"  Seriously, fucking talk about what's bothering you.  I am constantly trying to be a better person.  Yeah, I fuck it up all the damn time, but I'm trying.  I discovered I couldn't do it on my own, as much as I wanted to.  I get help.  I do the work, I take the meds, I think about what I'm doing (admitttedly sometimes after the fact).  And this is where humanity breaks down; the inability to communicate.  I am less violent and in-your-face than I have ever been, but I still make people uncomfortable.  Why?  I'd know if they told me.  I seriously got, "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" for an answer when I tried to work things out with someone a while back.  Really??  And I wonder why I care.  I have so many people in my life who are warm, open, caring, and fucking honest.  My friends are some of the best people I know.   And I don't mean people I just haven't spoken to in a while due to distance or what-have-you.  I mean people I have actively tried to communicate with who just ignore me.  At least give me the respect to tell me how it got to the point where talking to me just wasn't worth it anymore.

Comments

"If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you."

It's a worthless answer that I was tired of in high school. It means that the person in question doesn't care enough to be honest with you and instead wants to see you squirm while you try and figure it out. If someone tells you this when you are honestly trying to reconcile or solve a problem, what they are really trying to tell you is that they aren't worth your time.

Stick with the warm, open, caring, positive friends. They're better for you in the long run.
What gets me is that I thought there was care and trust. I guess you can never be sure.
You can, and you should, because many people are worth your trust. But just remember to guard yourself approprately.

I believe that respect means that (among other things), you tell someone when there's a problem. Or you let it slide and forgive the person - but if you do, that doesn't mean you can save that slight for later. But if you need to drop someone to protect yourself, it's worth letting them know, just in case there is something to salvage later.

I tend to be a forgiving person, and love to reconnect with people, sometimes even if they've been terrible in the past. Sometimes I'm rewarded by this faith in the growth of humanity, and sometimes not, but it's usually worth the risk. Just don't give them a free ride, and keep your guard up.
I know 5000% where you're coming from here. :/

Some people just really suck.

And it sucks more when you care, ya know?

I care about whether people are mad at me or not, and I always want to know why. It aggravates me to no end when people just give me the cold shoulder and "Nothing Wrongs" when there obviously is.

*pets*

*puuurrrr*
*petpets*
Wow. I've never understood that mindset.

If I ever seemingly ignore you - via e-mail especially, call me. Every once in a great while something gets lost in the spam filters for some unknown reason. Sometimes I might take a couple days to respond, but I do.

I got the "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you." BS out of someone I had been friends with for 4 years in my distant past. She just dropped me, out of the blue. Several years later, I asked her again, and she recounted some thing she'd heard third hand about me - now both of the people passing along this info were notorious gossips. And who did she choose to believe? It wasn't the four year friendship. It was the gossip train.

She was sad that she had thrown it out the window for nothing, and wanted to be friends again. I have to say, telling her, "I don't think so," was one of the most satisfying moments ever.

Oh... the gossiping girls stabbed you in the back the first chance they got? Too bad. Your choice.
I can see why you wouldn't want to be her friend again, but I would have. I fuck up all the time and want to be forgiven. I can only hope for that if I am willing to forgive when other people fuck up. I want the opportunity to resolve things, even if we don't see eye to eye. There is only one person I think I am better off with no communication, and that's my mother. I want deep personal meeting with most people I call friend.
For me, taking four years of friendship, in which I never once betrayed her trust, and throwing it out the window because a gossip said what she feared was true? Totally an indication not to give her my trust again. I would have been willing to trust she was no longer fickle if she'd confronted me, or said, "I'm scared this is true - is it?" or anything other than complete and total ignoring and hatred for YEARS. Long after the gossips had already left her.

It would be like you deciding, right now (since we've been friends for just about four years now) that I'd totally always been your friend simply so I could get in bed with Hoyce. And telling me you hated me, and if I didn't know what was wrong, then I never deserved to be your friend, and then spouting lies and bullshit about me for years. I did at least address it with her and say, "Here's why I can't be your friend now. You made this choice and then painted a target on my back again and again."

I do see why you'd have given her another chance, though. We still communicate via social networking sites, but that's really it. It will take a long time before I trust her beyond chit-chat again. Acquaintance first, for sure.
ROFLMAO Your example is amusing on so many levels. But I think you and I are on the other end of that stick, where we're constantly letting people know exactly what's up and why. ;-)
Exactly! You and I will even do the "I'm worried you might be thinking X about me. Am I accurate in my worries?"
What the fuck did *I* do?

Leave me out of it! :P
You were the nearest proximity older brother facsimile. :D Nothin' personal.
i'm sorry that you have to deal with this lady. i think the only thing equally wanky is someone not talking to you because someone else told them they were not allowed to. (and them actually following those directions.)
That one burnes me too, but I don't hear it much.