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led astray

January 2013

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oh yeah?

genius? not me!

So it's Wednesday.  I work Wednesdays.  I don't work Thursdays.  Guess which day I though it was until mid-afternoon?!?  Oh, the brilliance is overflowing!  Some days I amaze myself.  Ha!

Tonight is Star Wars, greasy food, and beer.

Yesterday at wirk I was wishing I could access LJ and had all sorts of insightful things to say about things I figured out.  But today they feel less powerful.  Not less good, but I had all day to mull them over and kind of accept them.  I felt the need to apologise to someone for my drama, but wasn't sure he wanted to hear it.  I had taken notes to make sure I got it all out and fully expressed why I was wrong and how I was apporaching the situation not based on the merit of those involved, but on history and social pressures and mental crappiness.  So I was going to write it all here and then decide in a couple days if I really wanted him to hear it.  But I think most of it was stuff that went on in my head, processes he wasn't privy to and didn't really have a stake in.  So I sent an expurgated version consisting of about three sentences in which I apologised for my drama.  End of story. 

The better I'm feeling about me, the less I feel like I need validation from other people (oft in the form of a significant other) about my worth.  And it makes so much sense.  It made sense before, but only on an intellectual, theoretical level.  Now I can feel it making sense.  I still get lonely sometimes, but it doesn't feel desperate. 

And now I'm hungry.


fwiw, I though today was Thursday, too.

and YES - the more confident that you are in yourself, the less you need other people's acceptance or attention. And it's not that you stop liking their attention - it's that you no longer need that external validation that you're a worthy person; it becomes a bonus.