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led astray

January 2013

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disclusion

 It hurts to be discluded from where I was previously included.  (no, I don't mean excluded, for that requires thought)
Out of sight, out of mind.  Guess that's my new MO.

But then why should I assume that my friends are going to invite me to join them for fun activities?  I shouldn't.  People have fun without me.  That has to be ok.  I have to get over wanting to be involved in activities.  I'm not everyone's favorite person, I know.  I can be crude and callous and downright no fun.  It is not my right to be included.  It is but a priveledge that I should accept gracefully when presented, and not be jealous of.  "Deserve" is a judgement, and "fair" is a human concept, unnatural.

True, I have no money to spend on outings, no transportation to get to parties on my own power.  Guess I'm a grubber.  No one wants those around.  Can't say I blame them.

Oh, shut the fuck up!  No one wants to hear your pity party.  Tough shit.  There are more important things to worry about.  Turn off the feelings.  Rebuild the walls that used to protect me from this shit.  Care less.  That's what I get for tearing them down.

Comments

People may have fun without you - but people also have fun *with* you too. ::hugs:: Was good to see you last month, even if it was only briefly.
Caring less overall is not the solution.

Understanding that anyone else's disclusion of you is their shit is.

People are weird, and don't always think to include. Sometimes they're outright blind that way. But that's *their* problem, and doesn't mean you're unremarkable. It means they aren't thinking outside the box of whom they usually invite.
Word. *hugs*
It does suck to be excluded, and I have been in your shoes. However, I have also been in the position of being a hostess or "event planner" and needing to exclude people for a variety of reasons, so I can see this from both angles. It may help to make you feel better to bear in mind that being excluded may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with other people and outside circumstances. Yes, there may be times in life when you are just "cut out" because people don't like you or something, and that certainly sucks, but if people are actively doing that to you, well I say fuck 'em.

I know that at times I have had to make difficult decisions regarding invitations to parties, social outings, our wedding (!), etc. that have nothing to do with actively wanting to exclude anyone. Here are a few reasons I have not included people that I would consider to be my friends on an invite:

1) Needing to keep numbers low. There are times when I simply cannot deal with 50 people in my house for a party! Certain excursions are impossible to coordinate with large numbers of people as well. Unfortunately, what this means is, I invite my closer friends that I see more regularly... and unfortunately, I have to leave off those people I rarely (if ever) see or who I think are unlikely to attend. I'd love to be able to invite everyone and their uncle to everything, but sometimes, it's just not feasible.
2) Knowing that a person will not be able to attend.... makes sending an invite sortof pointless. I recognize that some people like to be invited to stuff so they can feel loved, but if I have already spoken to someone, verbally inviting them to XYZ, and they told me in no uncertain terms that they wouldn't be able to do XYZ, I don't bother inviting them a second time....
3) Drama. I fucking hate it, and it sucks, but it's a part of life, and it simply has to be dealt with. I am not inclined to throw fire on the powder keg when it comes to friends and their drama. I have been in the situation of wanting to/needing to avoid people due to drama, and I have always appreciated friends who have not knowingly created an uncomfortable social situations for me. If I have friends who are at odds with each other, I make time to see them independently, separately from one another. Yes, this does mean that one half of the drama-feud will typically not be invited to as many things as the other half. It sucks, and in a perfect world it would never happen, but unfortunately it does. You have to make the best of these situations and try to remain as neutral as possible.

In my experience, I have found that when I want to be included more by certain people on the things they're doing, I make the time to be with them as much as I can. My thoughts are, if I make an effort to try to spend more time with this person, I'm more likely to be invited to do stuff with them in the future. Of course, doing this doesn't guarantee anything, but it can't hurt. This is just amy two cents, and a possible means of helping to resolve the issue... :)

Hehe, sorry for the book... I just thought I'd share a little perspective as a hostess who has unfortunately had to "dis-clude" people in the past. With all that said, I echo stormcrow's statement that you *are* a fun person to be around, and I enjoyed hanging out with you recently! My suggestion is, spend time with the friends who care about you, and invite THEM to do things with you... then you are the one in control of who you get to spend time with. Your friends will make the time to be with you. It's like I say, "if you invite them, they will come..." :)

Edited at 2008-08-05 09:13 pm (UTC)
I understand those reasons and I respect them. There are things I don't get invited to and I think, "well that makes complete sense." This particular episode was sharp due to the circumstances and the people involved. Kinda twisted the knife, ya know? I didn't mean to be so drama-tastic about it. I've ben super-stressed lately and really on edge and touchy about every little thing. Sucks to have internet access at those times. :-P
Pounce...HUG...Shuush... So you know must delay trip to Mass. Some expenses have come up. However if Mama Erica can help me, much more money might be in pocket cross fingers for me.