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led astray

January 2013

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taking the hint

 You ever have that moment when it occurs to you that you've been given hints?  The realization that you have been cut out?  Dropped and not noticed until you hit the ground?  I've got that feeling.  There are people in the world who do not like candor.  People who think friends always approve and say nice things and never tell you if you have spinach stuck in your teeth.  I think those people are "fair weather friends".  And while it's good to know who among the people I associate with are that kind of friend, it still sucks to have to have the moment of taking the hint when they decide my oppinion gets in the way of my mouth too often.

In my world, a friend tells you when you're fucking up, can disagree with you openly, and even be angry with you, but still care about you and support you and love you.  The ability to respect me enough to tell me how it is shows me that you care.  I don't like having to decypher hints and play games to figure out what's up with our friendship.  

I know it can be hard when we have friends in common.  No one is going to take sides, at least I should hope not.  The conflict is strictly a personality issue.  An impass.  And it's ok if you think it's all my fault because I speak my mind and that makes me a bad friend or an asshole.  I just wish you would have told me.  But I've figured it out.  I got the hint.


As long as you're sharing your thoughts in a loving/compassionate way, with the intention of helping and not harming or being vengeful/pissy, that will greatly ease the reception of said thoughts. There's a big difference between, "Hey, you have some spinach stuck in your teeth" and "Hey, you have some spinach stuck between your teeth, jackass." If you're going to be blunt, fine. But be gentle as well.

Delivery is 90% of the message. I have learned this the hard way, believe me.

I try not to be an ass about things. I don't set out to hurt people. Quite the opposite. I don't want people to get home and discover the spinach in their teeth and feel like a jackass, wondering how long it had been there and why no one told them before.
I've definitely had that realization in the past, and it's something that sucks incredibly.

While I think many people have phases of being more fair-weather than not, I share the opinion that friends talk with you if there's something wrong. Sometimes there needs to be a break before talking can happen, but if you're in something long-term, talking NEEDS to happen if there's something wrong.