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led astray

January 2013

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and we move on

How I'm feeling still fluctuates greatly in the course of a day.  I'm keeping up with my meds as the main thing right now.  I got to work today despite migrane leftovers and we had a good rehearsal last night.  

I'm going to be dropping 3 of 4 classes this week.  I haven't attended enough classes to pass.  The other one is independant study and attendance is rehearsal.  This late in the semester, they charge me the full tuition and fees regardless of what I do, so it shouldn't alter my financial aid.  I think I need the break from stress, as little as there was, to take care of myself properly.  Part of me thinks it's a lame excuse, but then I look at the fridge with the little card announcement of being on Dean's list, which I've gotten every semester.  I know somewhere that I have it in me to do that again, just not right now.  I'm not failing because I'm a failure.  I'm failing because I'm too sick to do what's needed.  If I had those huge lecture classes where I'm a faceless cog and can get an A so long as I can email the assignments and papers, then I'd be fine.  But these are tiny classes with professors who know my name and participation is the main part of the class.  I don't wish it the other way by any means, but I have to give up this semester to collect myself, regroup, and attack next semester with renewed vigor, health, and strength.  I loved these classes and the professors are great.  I've communicative with them throughout this situation, and they have been supportive and respectful, going out of their ways to help me make the semester work.  I need the rest.

Comments

I wouldn't call it failing, I would call it being realistic about your current limitations.

Feel better.
(((hug))) thanks
This comment is thoroughly seconded.

Accepting that your current limitations are different than in the past is incredibly tough, and you're handling it in stride. That's a huge success in my book!
It's kinda like realizing that I'm too old to stay up all night playing a LARP.