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led astray

January 2013

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There's a lot going on.  I don't know where the hours in the day go.
Ok.  Yes I do.  This campus.  The commute.  I have days here longer than 12 hours, not including the commute.  I know, wah.  Whatever.  It's my journal and I'll whine if I want to. 
There are days I wish I wasn't doing a show this semester.  Then I slap that part of my brain upside the...brain? and tell it it's just sick and needs to take its medicine.  And I know the proper times to use an apostrophy most of the time.  I'm dizzy today.  That's ok.  Most of my day involves sitting so I don't really have to worry about falling over.  Work, class, bus, car, mini vacation.  My agoraphobia is prancing around like Boston is a fucking field of daisies.  Brain, is it time for another little chat?  Oh, I think it is.  There has been a communication breakdown for the last 20+ years and we are going to SOLVE this problem.  We;re cleaning house and organizing and throwing out deadweight.  No hiding.  No excuses.  And if you don't cooperate, I'll start using post-it mantras!!  I mean it!  So knit, write, act, veg, play video games, whatever you have to do, but you will do Something.  And that little grey haired old woman?  She's not attacking you.  So lay off.  You have nothing to prove to her.  She doesn't care if you're tough.  I will expose you for the lump of human that you are, all soft and squishy on the inside.  I don't care if you clam up.  I'll write shit down when your guard is down and show her.  I'm smarter than you.  And I've been through more than you.  I'm stronger than you.  Submit!  You will be assimilated!  This is an illness.  I don't really want to fight with you, but you leave me no choice.  I will ask for help and I will accept it.  You cannot stop me.  I'm tired of this bullshit.  Get over yourself.  Your problems are nothing.  You think you suffer?  You don't know suffering!  You are a shy, scared little girl, no matter how much armor you pile on.  I'm ready for you.  I can take you.  Bring it! 



I totally need to steal this concept.
You want to be a little girl?

I knew there was something special about you.
You go, girl! :-)

(this is far from whining. It's anti-whining - it's action!)
you rock!