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led astray

January 2013

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the stupid train

One-way ticket to Stupid.  No refunds.

That's what learning programming through Harvard EdX feels like.  Several times today I thought these exact words, "Wow...what?"  I feel like an asshat trying to follow t=wtf this guy is talking about and then he has the teaching style of giving us problems that weren't covered in lecture so we take more initiative in the learning process.  Fuck that.  It just upgrades my trip to fucking stupidity to First-Fucking-Class.  So I stress about it.  And how I make myself even try is to stuff my face with anything that isn't nailed down.  So I'm getting stupider *and* fatter doing this shit.  I am so fucking discouraged and I feel like  dunce and a waste of fucking oxygen because I can't do math problems that other people find as simple as legos.  Well I was never good at Legos.  But I feel like I have to do this because I'm unhireable in my present state and I clearly can't do this shit so I'm destined to fail and let myself down and my friends down and I'll just be pathetic and broke the rest of my fucking miserable existence so just shoot me now and save me the damned effort and shame of all this big ball of failure and horseshit I call a brain.

That's what's up tonight.

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