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led astray

January 2013

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led astray

ramble

I'm not sure what to do with myself.  I'm waiting for paperwork to go through, so I don't have any money yet.  I got up wicked early and ran at 7:30, then came back, showered, and made hot breakfast for the house folks.  Then I crocheted a bit and decided I needed a nap.  Got up, crochted some more, spent a couple hours fiddling with my recording equipment trying to eliminate the buzz behind my voice, got a reasonable test posted to librivox (waiting to hear back from that), emptied the trashes around the house, made dinner, spun a bit, watched a movie.  Now I'm tired.  I feel like it's too early to go to bed, but I don't feel like doing anything more.  I don't even feel like playing a video game or reading, or even writing this.  The day had so much promise.  What happened?  Was it me?  Did I waste it?  I don't understand how I can be back in the same mental space after getting things done and doing things right and a gorgeous day.  I guess distracting myself only works for so long, and escaping my brain is really tiring.  And I'm tired, but I have a sinking feeling that I won't get much sleep tonight.  I slept well last night, after walking to and from Puck's and a joint in between.  He let me play Diablo 3 on his computer for a couple hours.  Night before that I tried a cup of Sleepytime tea.  Tonight I had some honey vanilla chamomile.  I wish therapy worked faster.  I have my med doc appointment next Tuesday (FINALLY), so hopefully I'll get an adjustment and be able to sleep through the night again.  I can shake the discomfort now and again, and lose myself in an activity.  But I am always here, and i always wear out.  There are plenty of projects.  Why aren't I working on them?  I have several started projects, several project ideas, several ongoing, new things to learn...why am I bored?  Why do I want to go to bed when I know I won't sleep well, or have pleasant dreams?  I miss falling in love.  I don't feel lovable right now, so that's out.  Sale old girl, same old world.

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