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led astray

January 2013

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led astray

carrying on

I'm trying to face the light. Chris took me to a rock climbing gym. The basic safety class was incredibly awkward because i had never done it and had no idea how to make the knots, or the grammar, but I powred through it, despite several instances of wanting to cry and/or hide because I had to try to learn something that didn't come naturally. But then I got on the wall...I love it. It's climbing and up high! I wore myself out, but now I have the longing to go and still not the resources to make it happen with any kind of regularity. Good job, one more thing on the list of awesome things I can't do because I'm a parasite. *sigh*

Hoyce got a new, large HDTV, so the old one and the PS2 moved into my room (there was a massive overhaul of my room to accomplish this). I got to play some DDR in my own room today, but I'm worried about jumping around on the floor and disturbing the people downstairs because I know the floor squeaks. *sigh*

Chris is wary of dating me because I have a history of The Crazy, and he has a history with The Crazy Girls. I do the best I know how. I can't control what he feels based on his history. It feels doomed from the start. At some point I am going to hit some crazy spots and he's going to have to deal or leave. It's that simple. I'm done hanging my life on the hopes of catching/keeping a romantic partner. I'm trying to keep active and out of bed, hitting the reset button when I notice problems with my habits.

I'm spinning. I'm almost afraid to knit or crochet, that I'll misuse the yarn I have or mess up. I understand why this is a trivial fear because i can take projects apart, but I want to get things done perfectly the first time and it upsets me to have to use trial and error, because of the errors that make me feel like a failure. This is stupid shit that shouldn't stress me out.

Went to see James in The Rocky Horror Show. I miss him and I miss the stage. Not that I'm in any kind of condition to audition for anyone.

I'm in process of signing up for a CBT for depression group starting next year. Phone tag sucks.

I haven't been reading other people's LJ for the most part, and just skimming fb. I'm isolating and Winter doesn't help.

Comments

indoor rock climbing is teh awesome. i hope you find ways of going again. physical activity helps.
I"m sure I will, thanks. It was the most fun I've had in months. I <3 heights. :-)