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led astray

January 2013

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led astray

naps and stuff

I've had 3 cups of coffee today and I still have a strong urge to nap. I'm not actually tired though. I understand that this is a symptom of my illness and have been trying to stay upright and busy with yarn projects, but I'm losing steam. I should go for a bracing walk in the cold grey day, but man I don't want to. Yesterday I got some stuff done, laundry, dishes, dinner, sweeping and vacuuming, yarn project work; I just woke up with energy and used it productively. I felt okay out of nowhere, and it was good. Today I"m back to struggling to stay out of bed and not feeling like doing anything at all, though I have put in time with a couple large yarn projects out of a desire to stay up. I kind of want to eat, but more for want of comfort and something to do than actual hunger (I've had plenty to eat so far today). Tink urges me to go back to bed whenever she's awake. I'm a little frightened by the prospect of being alone here for a week (I was invited to go but there's no way I could leave Tink alone that long, nor bring her along). Chris' dad is coming to town, so I won't be seeing him much this week or next. Holiday time sucks. It's cold and grey and dismal and I'm out of work, depressed, and harassed by creditors. And yet I know I have much to be thankful for, so very many blessings that I'm trying to focus on. But I have a meeting with the lawyer I contacted about the collections agent on Monday, so at least I'm being taken seriously. Also Hoyce was very comforting in his Hoyce-like way, getting irate at the things the agent said to me. I feel helpless. I have to remember that I'm not. People care about me, love me, and believe in me, and I must find a way to do these things for myself as well. It's hard to stay positive when halfway through the day I'm tired of being awake and around me. Napping will NOT help me get a job.

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