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led astray

January 2013

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I very much do not want to go to work today. I'm effing exhausted from being flung to the wolves. It;s just one more day. I can do this. I have on my favorite dress and i'm packed for a night/day with sistahraven. I'm honestly worried about Tink being alone in this heat. Should I leave the AC on for her, even though i won't be home until probably late tomorrow evening? I'm annoyed at the people at work. On Wednesday at 4pm, this irate couple of people who reeked of BO and were clearly in need of some kind of real assistance were loudly and vehemently relaying their story to me and asking who they could lodge a complaint with. Well, shit. I have no idea. And one by one the people who had the answer walked past the scene and out the door. One lady finally stopped and asked if i needed help, which I really did. The problem was not resolved, but they walked away with a phone number and a name to address their complaints to. After they left the HR director, who had been in his office with the door open and HEARD IT ALL poked his head out the door and gave me the "yeesh, i'm glad I didn't have to deal with that" face. I smiled and shrugged. They were pretty sure I wasn't coming back after that, but this girl needs the fucking money. Tuesday I was crying because I had no idea what was going on. I'm so annoyed. Only one of the people who left me hanging apologized. Part of me wants to leave them high and dry today for spite. The rest of me is sick of not knowing the answers and people getting annoyed when I ask for help. That's the kind of thing that drives me crazy. Plus my AC was on all night and it was still too hot to sleep and I'm sweating just sitting between the AC and the fan. So here I sit, after waking up at 5:45, trying to talk myself into getting up and not leaving high and dry the people who left me high and dry. All I have to do is brush my teeth and put on my shoes and go. Do I have it in me? It's just 8 hours (plus bus and train). It's just 8 more hours of being nice to people I want to run away and hide from. It's only my second assignment and it will reflect poorly on me if I call out already. But I'm so tired and so worn out emotionally. I'm not sure I could keep my composure all day. It'll disappoint Hoyce. I don't know if it will disappoint me. It's hard to tell these days.

***
I just called out. I'm slightly disappointed, but more relieved. I'm sure the ratios will switch as the day progresses.

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