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led astray

January 2013

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angry butterflies

Feels like I'm holding my breath. I don't know what for. I have an impending sense of Something Happening, but damned if I know what it is. I'm nervous about tomorrow. I'll be bringing many of my hats to a local craft consignment store in Davis Square with some support from Katie (Hoyce's SO). Keep fingers crossed for me.

Lately I have physical discomfort. Every slight aggravation seems magnified. Almost anything I eat and drink doesn't sit well. Neck hurts all the time. Consistent headaches. Muscle weariness in my hands. And I've begun to feel old, which adds a whole new layer to my self-esteem issues and feelings of unattractiveness. Maybe it's better to not be attractive. I can just assume no one wants to sleep with me and thereby eliminate all the stress over the emotional consequences of having sex, seeing as how I keep putting myself into positions where I'm used for a good time. I love a good time. But there's more to me. I am not sure how to express the other sides of myself since I've been using sexuality and openness as my default setting for so long. I'm angry at myself for not having used better ways to develop intimacy.

Lost and lonely.

Comments

There's definitely something horrible on the horizon amongst the Alliance family.

::big hugs::