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led astray

January 2013

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amulet

more lessons

Ouch.

I'm not as strong and capable as I think I am.  Sometimes I need help and need help knowing that I need help.  Heh.  This is easier to say in the early light of a beautiful, sunshiny Saturday, but fuck men.  Fuck romance.  I need to rekindle my romance with myself.  I don't respect myself enough.  I give in to impulses and call it choice, call it my will.  That's not the right answer, just the easy one.  I need to invest energy into discipline and patience.  I need to get the DBT book out again.  I don't have the coping skills I need to get my shit together.  I'm getting too old to be behaving this way.  I'm not in control of myself.  I will take better care of me.  This morning I stretched.  It hurt because I was so tight and tense and hadn't stretched in so long.  Why?  No reason.  I talk like I know what's up, but I don't.  I'm as lost and confused as ever, but now I'm safe.  I'm safe, but I'm still reacting to some things as though I'm not.  This behavior is no longer adaptive!  Knock it the fuck off!

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*pant*