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led astray

January 2013

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meh to you, life

I guess this can be a lesson in compromising my own principles for the affection of a man.  The hardest lessons learned are the ones best learned.  I broke a promise I made to myself because I thought, "This is different."  There were good omens in every corner.  The things we shared and explored made us innocent children again, rediscovering humanity and nature with fresh eyes.  Well, I guess that was just me.  Fuck.  I don't want to do this.  I don't want bitterness and spite.  I am so hurt and so angry and I don't know what to do with it all.  I did my best.  I was open and honest and caring and accepting and I still managed to scare him away.  It is my intention to stay offline today to help me stop being the crazy ex who can't leave him alone.  Still sobbing too hard to go to work today.  I didn't see this one coming.  It wrecked me.

Comments

and I still managed to scare him away.

Try not to think of it this way. You and he, however much you liked each other, did not have rhythms which meshed. There's no fault in that.
I know, but I feel justified in vilifying him for a few more days. ;-)
*chuckle* *hugs* As long as you realize it's a few more days and it doesn't get stuck permanently.

Sorry things didn't work out. :-(
I'm waffling between blaming him and blaming myself, now with some bitter understanding of the absence of blame. :-P