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led astray

January 2013

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anxiety

Despite the interview going well, yesterday it was nerve-wracking to be at work.  I can't know the answer until they're ready to give it to me, and it's bad form to ask.  So I have to wait quietly for people to judge me behind closed doors.  I'm trying not to think about wtf I'll do if I don't get the job.  Compounding my discomfort, I won't see Q until probably Monday (a week tomorrow) and the job anxiety ate away at the patience I've been desperately cultivating to avoid fucking things up with him.  The dialectic for me between obstinate independence and utter dependence is in constant test phases. All or nothing, because I equate having to wait with eventual let down.  Have to walk the grey line.  Stay focused.  Q is awesome and thinks I'm awesome.  I've been making a good showing at work.  I kicked my interview's ass.  Things are going to be fine.  And when I get home from work and smoke a little weed, I know it.

Today I must accomplish 3 things; finishing my shawl (about 5 hours left), dishes, and finding/using Tink's brush.  Poor thing is shedding like it's Summer.  Oh, wait.  Anything else I accomplish is gravy.

Oh, and my glasses broke.  Er, well, I broke them.  And I crazy glued them back together.  They held up all day at work, but when I went to take them off for bed, they rebroke.  *sigh*  Could really use that job right about now...

Comments

::big hugs:: You can do it!