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led astray

January 2013

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pedestal

gratitude, a pep talk

When I get up at 6 on Saturday morning, I need not complain.  I want to.  But then I get struck by guilt.  This isn't the same guilt that gets wielded by overbearing parents and manipulative SOs.  This is honest guilt I earned from efforts to be more grateful about the opportunities I have been given.  I don't want to waste the kindness and generosity shown to me by good people I respect.  Nothing was asked of me, all was given.  The least I can do is stay on top of the work, take the opportunity and use the hell out of it.  So fuck you, laziness.  You stay in bed where you belong.  Fuck you, nervousness.  I want to better myself and that means I have to really work for it.  Fuck you, complaints.  Yeah, it's cold, dark, and raining.  Yeah, Tink and blankets beckon.  It's time to stomp out the voices that tell me I can't and show them who the fuck they're dealing with.  I pride myself on my ability to do things people tell me I can't do.  And in an odd way, grandma's change of heart about the value of learning Mandarin leaves me without the motivation that comes from the Fuck You Response.  So I'm looking for motivation elsewhere.  The best I've come up with is gratitude.  It's a lesson I wish I had learned a long time ago.  Better late than never.

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Go you!